Waiting for Her Read online

  Waiting for Her

  Jennifer Van Wyk

  Copyright © 2018 Jennifer Van Wyk

  This is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters, and events are fictitious in every regard. Any similarities to actual events and persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental. Any trademarks, service marks, product names, or named features are assumed to be the property of their respective owners, and are used only for reference. There is no implied endorsement if any of these terms are used. Except for review purposes, the reproduction of this book in whole or part, electronically or mechanically, constitutes a copyright violation.

  WAITING FOR HER

  Copyright © 2018 JENNIFER VAN WYK

  Cover Designer: Jersey Girl Designs

  Cover Photography: By Braadyn

  Cover Models: Bryce & Braadyn Penrod

  Editing by: Andrea Johnston & Erin Garcia

  Proofreading by: Kara Hildebrand

  Formatting by Jill Sava, Love Affair With Fiction

  Table of Contents

  Front Matter

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Also from Jennifer

  For my husband who patiently waited for me.

  And for Joey. Grady was written for you. Never stop leading.

  Bri

  My legs pump harder and harder as the tears burn a trail down my cheeks. I hate running. It’s never been cathartic to me like it is for some people, but right now I just need to do something to get rid of the energy inside screaming at me. The fact that right now I’m doing one of the things I hate most, because it feels like I have no other choice, only fuels my anger even more.

  In the last thirty minutes, I found out that my mom, my best friend, has kept a secret from me for seven years. My dad was my hero. I was only thirteen when I watched his body slowly give up on him. I was so innocent thinking it was the crippling disease that took him away from us. Now I learn it was more than that. It was his fear, his curiosity of what he was missing out on. Everyone says Fuck Cancer. It’s even a hashtag! Losing my dad at such a young age crushed me.

  Seven years later, finding out the man I looked up to and compared all other men in my life to, leaned on someone who wasn’t his wife, it’s crippling. Everything I’ve ever known about love feels like a lie.

  Yeah.

  Years later, I still feel cancer’s tentacles wrapping around me. Sucking the life out of me.

  How can one word, just six letters, have so much impact that it feels like my world is crumbling all over again. But really, cancer was just an excuse for his own stupidity. So yeah, fuck cancer for giving him an out.

  “Please, understand, Bri. Your dad had a momentary case of douchery.” I choke out a laugh/cry and swipe with the back of my hand under my nose. “He had also just found out he had cancer. And here was this younger woman acting desperate for him. In the short moments after finding out he wasn’t going to live much longer, he clung to something that made him feel young again. If only for a moment.”

  “Doesn’t make it right,” I mumble.

  She shakes her head, understanding in her eyes. “No. No it doesn’t. But it makes it… I don’t know. Understandable?”

  “I’ll never understand, Mom. I love you, and I understand why you didn’t want me to know. I do. It still hurts to know you kept it from me.”

  I come to a stop at the end of the path and stare at the stone in front of me. Why would I expect to have ended up anywhere else but here? I let out a growl of frustration, my hands linked together behind my head as my chest heaves up and down.

  My arms feel too heavy to hold up so I drop them to my sides and grip the hem of my shorts. I’ve been home from my freshman year of college for a week, the main item on my agenda, spending time with my family. I didn’t expect part of that family time would include a bombshell being dropped in my lap.

  “How could you?” I whisper, hot tears are still streaming down my face, and angrily swipe them away and repeat my whispered words only this time, I shout them to the night sky.

  I fall to my knees, the soft grass beneath me bright green and plush. I stare at the gravestone my mom and I fretted over when picking it out, wanting to make sure we found the perfect one.

  Beloved Husband

  Devoted Father

  Even then my mother knew not to engrave a lie and swap the words.

  No devotion there.

  “I trusted you. You were my everything. And she… what? Was there one time?”

  I drop to my butt and sit with my knees tucked against my chest, letting all the emotions pour out of me. Hot tears roll down my cheeks as the anger boils and churns in my gut. There were certainties in my life, like my dad loving my mom since he was a teenager.

  It’s been seven years since we said goodbye to Dad, and I’ve never been as confused as I am right now. I can’t make sense of why, in his lowest moment, would he reach to another woman rather than his own wife? One time or thirty, it doesn’t make it right.

  Was it all a lie? Did he ever love her? Did he get bored with her because she was his one and only, just as he was hers? Was he only with her to the end because she was caring for him in his time of need, as the disease got the best of him?

  Mom can explain it away all she wants. He was upset because he’d just found out he was dying. He had just found out he had cancer and had a moment of weakness. Cancer took away a lot from my life, but I never expected it to have a hand in stripping away the trust I had in my father. He was a good and loyal man to my mom until the moment he took his last breath.

  Unease wraps around my heart and squeezes tightly.

  The similarities to my mom and dad’s relationship and my own with my boyfriend Grady isn’t lost on me. We fell in love after years of friendship. The total cliché high school sweethearts. Friends to lovers. Just like my parents were. Maybe first loves aren’t meant to last. What if Grady decides he missed out on something by only being with me? We might have only been officially together since we were eighteen, but we fell in love with each other long before that.

  I never imagined love just might not be enough.

  Grady

  Six years later

  Staring up at the tall glass building, I inhale a deep breath. The warm air around me carries a hint of freshly cut grass and, despite it being one of my favorite scents, my stomach churns as I tug open the heavy glass door that leads to what could be a future I’ve never imagined for myself. When I first went to college, I had a very specific vision.

  Play football.

  Love Bri.

  Get a degree. Love Bri.

  Marry Bri.

  Have kids with Bri.

  Well, things didn’t happen quite the way I expected.

  I did go to college. Not just any university, eit
her. My dream college. The one I dreamed of and cheered for from before I could walk. I did play college football and man, did I love Bri. But love wasn’t enough for her.

  And a few years later, life sucked the biggest balls and I found myself staring up at the dark night sky, the sound of sirens getting louder as they approached me, unable to move, pain radiating from my leg after a car t-boned me, wondering how the fuck I got there.

  “I can’t be with you anymore.”

  The harshness of those words crippled me. I begged. I pleaded. I left every ounce of pride I had at her feet when I tried to explain I wasn’t like her father. That our love was enough. After weeks of trying to reach out to her, hoping I could convince her to stay with me, I finally let her go. Then, for months I wallowed in self-pity, wondering if I should go against her wishes and chase her down, try one last time to get through to her and make her see we were always meant to be together.

  Letting her go hurt, but her not fighting for me, for us, hurt even more. And that hurt is what stopped me. That and, as ugly as it may be, my pride.

  “You’ll never be able to play a contact sport again.”

  When the doctors said the damage left by the accident had been too severe, permanent, I felt like my life had once again been stripped away. Those two sentences changed my life. Crushed me. One more so than the other.

  Spoiler alert: it wasn’t the second.

  Bri breaking up with me—the woman who wasn’t just my girlfriend, but my best friend and soulmate, the one I’d loved long before I really understood what romantic love was—devastated me. She was my partner in everything…

  Until she wasn’t.

  In six years, I’ve had a lot of time to think. Think about Bri and how she left me and walked away without a second thought. The realization she never really gave a shit about me hurt.

  She couldn’t have, not if I was that easy to walk away from.

  As soon as I step inside the Southern Michigan State football building, I take a deep breath and look around. The school colors of green and white are splashed everywhere. Banners hanging from the ceiling of the championships the football team has won. I spin in a slow circle, taking it all in.

  On a far wall, a circle of team pictures surrounds a photo of the head coach’s smiling face. Coach Bales, the man who scouted me and then was there for me during a time when I thought my life was ending and my world was crumbling beneath my feet.

  I owe everything to him.

  And now, here I stand, ready to go before a panel of board members who will tell me what my future will look like.

  The youngest head coach in the history of the university. Unheard of in our industry at twenty-six years old.

  I tug down the sleeves of my navy suit jacket and adjust the green tie resting over my new crisp white shirt. Not subtle in my color choice in the least but I have bled green and white for as long as I can remember, cheered for the Warriors for my entire life. I want this.

  When I was a kid, I only dreamed of playing for this team. I couldn’t even imagine being given this incredible opportunity. Coaching was the last thing I’d ever expected, though my parents said being a leader is something that always came natural to me.

  When I broke my leg and the surgeon told me I’d never be able to play football again, at least not without risking major damage to my leg, I had to make a choice. Either step away from the sport I love, or be involved in a different way. Now I can’t imagine a life any other way. When I watched the men grow and continue to learn, especially at this level, I was continually inspired. And like so many other plans in my life, the career I pictured for myself also shifted.

  “Hey there, can I help you?” I blink and focus my attention to the woman standing behind the desk. She looks to be about my mom’s age. Her blonde hair is cut short, just below her chin and the skin around her eyes wrinkle in the corners as she smiles. When I don’t respond to her she just raises a brow and places a hand on her curvy hip.

  “Grady?” she guesses.

  I shake my head to clear my thoughts and my throat as I approach the desk. “Yes, ma’am. Grady Ryan. Here to…”

  “See Coach Bales, correct?”

  “That’s right.” I blow out a breath and the corner of my mouth turns up, already feeling a rush of relief knowing Coach is going to be in the same room as the rest of the board.

  When he first approached me about his desire to retire and that he had someone in mind to step into his place, I could list off twenty people who were more qualified than me. Easily. The last thing I expected was for him to say I was the one he wanted to coach his team.

  His team.

  What could be my team.

  Fuck if that isn’t an overwhelming feeling.

  Surreal.

  I swallow and clear my throat again as a wave of nervousness washes over me. I shift my weight from one foot to the other.

  “Grady,” the receptionist says in a calming voice. “Relax. Coach Bales wants this. So does the board. You’ll do great.”

  I feel my chest deflate, relief washing over me. “Thanks. You sound like my mom.”

  “Tess?”

  “How’d you know that?”

  She taps the side of her head and gives me a wink. “I’ve done my homework. And, you’ve been a part of our program for going on eight years now,” she reminds me.

  “Oh. Right.”

  Coach Bales and his staff recruited me when I was in high school. I worked my ass off and became a starter half-way through my sophomore season. Of course, Bri breaking up with me gave me fuel for the anger that drove my workouts. The summer before my senior year, everything came crashing down around me.

  One night changed my future.

  I never saw the car coming. Or, he never saw me coming.

  “Ready?”

  “As I’ll ever be,” I admit.

  She tips her head. “Follow me.”

  Around the corner, I see Coach Bales standing next to a closed door, hands in his pockets. As soon as he notices me, he smiles wide.

  “My replacement,” he says, reaching out a hand.

  “Awful confident, aren’t you?”

  I grip his strong calloused hand and we shake before he tugs, pulling me in for a hug, giving me a loving pat on the back. “You got this in the bag, Grady. Everyone wants you staying on that field. We believe in you. When we asked you to intern after you graduated, it was because I saw something in you I wasn’t willing to let go to another team. You didn’t disappoint. You’ve proven yourself time and time again that you not only have a heart for this program, but also for coaching. We hired you for the freshman head coach position for a reason. You know how to mold boys into men because you can still relate to them.”

  “You were testing me?” I ask, and the gleam in his eye confirms it.

  My dad told me the same thing. Hell, even my former teammates said it to me. But I still find it hard to believe that a program with the number of bowl games under its belt like this one would want a twenty-six-year old to lead them. Drew, the assistant head coach, started with the team the first year I played for them. It was a little surprising that Coach Bales announced his retirement so close to the new season beginning, so I had a good feeling they would be hiring from within the program. When Drew called me to let me know he wanted me to be hired for Bales’s replacement, well, it was humbling, to say the least, to hear he thought I was the right person for this job. Still makes me feel guilty, though. He’s more experienced than I am, as are so many others.

  “Between you two and my parents, I have my very own motivational crew,” I tease, motioning toward his receptionist.

  “Sara is pretty good at the encouragement,” he agrees. “And it doesn’t surprise me Barrett and Tess have been telling you the same thing.”

  “Yeah, well, I suppose it’s kind of their job.”

  “Let’s go prove them right, shall we?”

  “Coach Bales?” I stop him with a hand on his arm.

&nb
sp; He turns, his smile fading a little bit when he examines my face a little closer.

  I know I can not only do this job, I can do it well. I’ve never once expected something I didn’t earn. Some may not think I’ve paid my dues in the coaching world, but I’m ready to prove to everyone age isn’t a factor. But for my own sanity, and because I just can’t go in there without knowing for sure, I ask him one more time if he’s sure I’m the one he wants stepping into his enormous shoes.

  “Drew, sir?”

  “Yes?”

  “Drew should be getting this job, right?”

  He raises his eyebrows at me and gives me his most stern coach look. The same one that terrified me into making sure I never disappointed him. Like I’m doing right now by even questioning his choice and belief in me. “You not confident in your abilities, Grady?”

  “No, sir. I am. It’s just, Drew, he’s put in his time. Hell, there are hundreds of other coaches in this country who’ve put in their time, too.”

  “And?”

  I shrug one shoulder. “And… that’s it. I want this. I know I can do this. I’ve been with the team for over seven years, and I know what needs to happen to make this season another winner. As a player I understood, then after the accident, I saw it from a different perspective when you allowed me on the team coaching as an intern, of sorts. But I also know in the eyes of pretty much everyone else, in the world, I’m still a punk kid and why do I deserve this position?”

  “You deserve it because you don’t think you do. You’re not some entitled little shit who thinks just because you’ve been with us for a few years you should have this job. Drew and I talked last month when I made the decision to retire. He told me straight away he wanted you to be considered. Now, don’t get me wrong, I think if I had offered him the position, he’d likely have taken it, or at least considered it. I don’t know for sure. He also sees how the players react to your coaching and leadership. Everyone does. No one is doubting your abilities here.”

  “But…”

  “No buts and no more questioning this, you got me? If you don’t want this or don’t think you can do it, tell me now. But I don’t think that’s the case. I think this is you being a considerate kid who was raised to work his ass off for the things he wants. You may not have the years behind you like others do, but you’ve certainly put in your time. Why do you think you were so sought after when you were in high school? It wasn’t just because of your abilities on the field. You’re a leader. I believe in you, Grady. I wouldn’t hand over my team to just anyone.”